Before this particular session took place, my body felt this non-stop buzzing presence, like my blood was flowing ten times faster than normal. The feelings of anxiety and a rigid state of being overwhelmed where taking over my body with extreme amounts of tension.
"Finally, I have been waiting for this all day" I say to myself as I sit on the couch in the garage about to light up this beautiful joint. I light up, inhale and exhale. It's not long before I can feel the THC making its way throughout my body and I feel instant calmness. I am able to process all the thoughts and release what needs to go. I am transported to this place; I now refer to as land of the free.
I am usually a night toker, however today a mid-day session was calling my name before I had to report for second shift. The second half of my day is what I consider second shift, where I have to step into this mode of wife and mommy duties such as dinner and bedtime routines. Today's lineup looked a little different than usual, and the feelings of stress were all to prominent. There are several tasks at hand that need to be addressed and I am not quite sure how everything is going to line up and play out. Different scenarios play in my head on how I might be able to make this schedule work. I push these thoughts away as I enter back into the house. As I make my way through the door, I make the decision to stop wasting energy on trying to plan out the night, and instead take each moment as it comes, and the next will follow.
Normally, I would deplete my energy and sanity by constantly worrying about "my plans" not taking place as expected. The lack of patience with a side of anger is a recipe for disaster. I become extremely unpleasant to be around, and quite frankly I can't stand myself in these moments. However, on this particular day, I sit back and look at the series of events that unfolded and I couldn't be more pleasantly surprised and happy how everything played out. Everything that needed to get done, got done without me creating unnecessary roadblocks. I am proud of myself for choosing to be courageous with making a conscious decision. The easy choice would have been to allow myself to self-sabotage by sticking with what I knew, and that is thinking I can control certain situations. Standing up and making the conscious decision to do better, is not an easy feat by any means. I am still in the beginner stages where it takes a lot internally from me. The internal battle is real, and I am routing for the side that brings out the best version of me.
Life in general throws so much at you and there is no need to add onto that. It requires a lot of hard work, but nothing worth having comes easy. These situations are validations for me, that visiting land of the free is beneficial for my well-being. I entered back into reality a more calm, pleasant version of myself. A version that has the strength and courage to sort through thoughts, feelings and emotions and has better clarity on how to move through life more peacefully even when the battle before me is unpleasant.
Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy
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