The moon is full tonight, and as I lay here trying to drift off to sleep, I catch a glimpse of the light making its way through the curtains. The energy is intense, and I can't help but focus on how uncomfortable I feel. I close my eyes only to imagine myself as a big ball of anxiety. The threads that make up this ball have no beginning or end, all threads are fused together. This leads me to my next thought "where did all this anxiety come from, and will it ever end?"
As the time passes, I am starting to realize there are a lot of uncomfortable feelings that come up while living in the human experience, and anxiety just so happens to be one of them. I have tried to find ways to avoid these feelings, yet only to be met with roadblocks. These obstacles consistently show up because these feelings are unavoidable. When trying to avoid anxiety, or any unpleasant feeling for that matter, it will only become stronger.
I'd like to rewind to my past, as mental images of me as a young girl flood my mind as I sit in front of my birthday cake trying to come up with a wish before blowing out the candles. "I wish for happiness" are the words I put out into the universe every time I am met with an opportunity to make a wish upon something. From here grew my insatiable hunger for happiness. Constantly searching for outside validation, only to be met with short bursts of temporary fulfillment. Fast forward to the present day, where I now have the knowledge that all along, I possessed happiness within. I just so happened to be looking in the wrong direction.
The combination of the energy from the moon and the new sense of self-awareness I've cultivated raise the question in my mind "what do I really want for myself this year"? Tonight, I wanted so badly to jump back into that space from my childhood and wish for happiness to wash over me. Instead, I decided to choose my words more carefully and simply asked for peace and contentment. Over the past few years, I have put a lot of work in internally and I feel as if I am at a place where I recognize that I not only deserve but can fully allow myself to soak up all the joy life has to offer.
I compare life to the ocean waves, sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down. Learning to navigate or change with the tides is a challenge. With much practice, patience and perseverance you can achieve balance to ride of the ebb and flows of life. For me, a part of achieving this balance is learning how to sit with these uncomfortable feelings. The final destination is no longer happiness, instead peace and contentment are what I am setting my eyes upon.
Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy
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