There is a life out there I feel destined for and as I continue along my path, I slowly begin to open my eyes to the life I desire. I've realized my passion is to empower others and guide them to be the best version of themselves. I want to make change in the world by inviting more love and enjoyment into the lives of everyone around me. I want my cup to be so full that it overflows onto others. I want to offer a safe place for others to allow themselves to become more relaxed and calmer, so they may be better equipped with tools required to navigate the ebb and flows of life.
I recognize that if I wish to make a change in the world, it has to start with myself. The traumas I have experienced engrained in me lack of self-love, lack of communication, and fear. Just a few of the biggest triggers that hold me back. I have started this change within myself, and one day I will wake up and realize that this will be the best gift life will ever give me. I know that I "should" realize that now, however, being in the middle of all these changes, it is hard to accept this. One day the manifestations of gratefulness will take place, my mind will shift, and I will be truly thankful for the process. Until that day comes, I will continue with the work as I become more self-aware. Confidence is built as you become self-aware, and moving with the confidence instills trust within yourself that you are moving in the right direction.
The first step to making a change is calling attention to what is no longer working in your life. The second step is to manifest what you desire in place of what you no longer wish to be consumed by. Then ask yourself, "what work can I do to make this happen?" By adding in the power of manifestation you're putting it out into the universe with what you desire. You cannot just simply ask and expect that what you want will be given to you immediately. You have to get out there and put in that work. Start off with something small and work your way up, it's a great way to start. It may feel weird at first, but you will soon come to realize how strong and powerful you are. So, get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, cry it out and push through that in between space of change.
I stand here with a fork in the road before me, recognizing this place as I have been here many times before. There are decisions to be made, changes to take place. What was working previously is no longer and its more uncomfortable and painful to continue to make the same choices then it is to sit with the uncomfortableness of change. Trying to navigate new waters under entirely different conditions, while being inexperienced is terrifying. Currently, I am convinced I that I am dying. Most days I feel so emotionally and energetically drained. There is also a lot of physical pain with being so uneasy from my body learning to sit with all the feelings. There are bits and pieces to this I just do not understand, and I am fully excepting that and allowing my body to do the work as we settle into this new state of being.
I used to operate with my mind checked out just to make it through the day, and as I look back, I see how unhappy I really was. Living under the impression that I had to stay within certain circumstances in order to better myself, not realizing I held the power to switch things up. I was so used to living a certain way that no longer exists, leaving me extremely uncomfortable because I can no longer force myself into doing things that does not align with who I am as a person. I literally cannot function with all the moving parts around me while operating from a place of being tuned out. The intentional life is calling for me and this creates a sense a vulnerability, dam it feels awkward.
Using the word forced is a strong word, but I did set myself up for this one by constantly asking for happiness. As time passes, I realize happiness is not the destination, I am ultimately searching for peace and contentment. In order to get to this place, I now know I need to get out of my own way. I guess the statement "be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it" holds a lot of truth here. On the other hand, I somehow feel lucky that I get to experience this, some people never get to wake up or have the courage to face life. Looking back, I thought I was not brave enough to go after that life that I knew I wanted until I had no other choice but to.
At times I feel like my entire being is ripped apart at the seams, this person and life I was living, is no longer.
It takes a lot of hard work, dedication and determination to undo years of undesired behaviors to make changes. It is not just a matter of saying you want to make a change, but actually imagining yourself in that space. What does it look like, what does it feel like? By imagining yourself in that place, you are allowing yourself to be open to receiving which what you are asking for. Unfortunately, this may not happen as quickly as one would hope for, dam that need for instant gratification. It could take years of dedication and it will also require a lot of patience and kindness towards yourself. In order to see results, actual work will need to take place.
So, here's to sitting through the storm of change,
Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy
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