I woke up today feeling extremely exhausted and very limited on patience. I somehow persevered up until lunch, remaining calm as could be. Trying to go with the flow as things came my way. Finally, an opportunity for me to step out and indulge in one of my favorite activities, hanging with Mary Jane. She never lets me down, and as expected I re-enter the house in high spirits. I still feel exhausted, but I can sense a little more battery life on the patience meter. I am finally ready to get going with my day.
Now, I would normally describe myself as someone who prefers to be in control. To me, this way, seems a lot safer, as you already know what to expect on the next step. Giving up control means allowing other forces to take the wheel, and that can be frightening. The universe has been trying to teach me for quite some time the lesson of letting go and going with the flow. As I stand here today, I get presented with the lesson yet again.
As I was getting settled back into the house, I had my mind set on doing the dishes. I started to run the water, and I could feel my body instantly start to get weak and become dizzy. “I do love a good mood boost, but damn, the sativa gets me every time” are the thoughts crossing my mind as I make my way into the living room. I can’t help but feel defeated in the moment because I so badly wanted to complete that task.
I found myself sitting on my yoga mat, where I decided to pull out my laptop instead of actually stretching. After being in this spot for about 30 seconds my mind suddenly gets flooded with the mental image of me falling off the planet, away from everyone in the world. Figuratively speaking, this is not incorrect. The pandemic backed up by maternity leave left me an antisocial human being on a whole new level. I currently am feeling that pressure subside, almost as if I am ready to spread my wings and reemerge into the world. I am now aware that I’ve lived through these series of events so that they may benefit me in the long run. It's making me realize the inner work that I have done and still need to do. I can't help but think, "I feel as if I walked through a door, and as I was walking through, I became a different person than the one who was walking in”. Now on the other side, I walk with a better version of myself.
I am considering this chapter two of my life, where I officially enter into adulthood and heal from my past. I wish for a happier, healthier future and to always strive to be the best version of myself. I believe this is the fun part, the part where I get to learn this version of myself. It can be quite scary yet so fulfilling at the same time. I get to learn the pieces of me who have always been here, but never had the opportunity to meet. Sadly, those pieces were tied down with extra weight from the expectations of others.
So, this is me declaring that I choose to let go. I allow the weight of my past to slip away by taking the good and the bad and accepting and honoring it for what it is.
Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy
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