I was relieved of my duties and had some time to myself. I decided to finally sit down and watch the video Rebirth by a theta healing practitioner. “I’m not playing games today” are the thoughts running through my mind as I load up my rig with some dab. I proceeded to take a few hits and as I exhaled I couldn't help but smile and think “wow, I can finally breathe again”.
I continued on to setting up my yoga mat and hit play on the video. It’s not long before I am uncontrollably sobbing, openly admitting I am not quite sure why. However, I continue to go with the flow. Moving through stretches as I listen to the words, attempting to get this stagnant energy to make an exit. I somehow end up in state of complete shock, the words that I hear sound so remarkably familiar. Traumatic birth experience, consumed by questioning the internet, missing freedom before motherhood, and anger outbursts. These are all the pieces I've held onto, leaving me here with so much shame and raising alarming questions within me if I am adequate enough to be a good mother. I feel almost a sense of relief to know I am not the only one out here experiencing these thoughts and feelings.
I found myself battling my thoughts, getting angry each time I zoned into them and missed the practitioner's guidance. I take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out reminding myself I am not a professional at mindfulness. After settling back down, I start to take notice of this burning sensation within my core. I imagined this to be my chakras realigning and balancing with one another. We are then instructed to visualize water washing over us, at this point I notice a cooling, tingling sensation over my entire body. I believe this was the universe working its magic and washing away some of the weight of my past traumas. The healing session is coming to end, my body feels a little lighter and the sun is shining bright for the first time in forever. It seems almost as if someone picked me up from one reality and placed me in another, this space feels so much more pleasant.
Hours after the session, I take notice on the missing weight from my mental. What affected me this morning seem to be no longer present. All the weight of worrying about finances, career paths, and chore lists seem to have lost its hold on me. I move with patience and grace as I tackle messes around the house, somehow managing to complete with my daughter by my side and ensuring she is still entertained and feels she is receiving my attention. As a mom, I consider this #winning.
The next morning I wake up with a new found sense of optimism. I feel content with where I am at, and content with knowing I can not control future outcomes. It's like my soul has been kissed by feminine power, and I wish to fully embrace it. I believe this outcome derived from addressing trauma that's been haunting me for quite some time. Unable to sleep the previous night, I decided to light up a joint along side a candle and asked myself some deep questions. I was determined to get to the root of my lack of self love and confidence and the guilt and shame around being taken advantage of as a teenager. To this day, those events still have a hold on me. Focusing and replaying these events in order to fully relive them in order to be able to accept these memories for what they are. I believe this is the only way to truly heal yourself, by facing your trauma head on.
"I decided to light up a joint alongside a candle and asked myself some deep questions."
Its really weird how things work and how you receive certain confirmations that you are heading in the right direction, even if it may not feel like it. I remember while watching the replay and reading that one of the outcomes is a journey towards contentment. Well, this is one thing I have been asking for alongside peace. I don't think this healing session is an end all be all type of miracle, however I do admit I am pleasantly surprised at the events following session. I can feel it did in fact work some type of magical healing, and now its my job to continue that process.
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Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy
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