My Relationship with Cannabis

I looked over at what appeared to be creamsicle flavored whip cream, I picked up the can and had myself a little taste. I then looked up to see my friend hysterically laughing at me saying “you know that’s hair product, right?”. This is one of the very first few encounters I had with cannabis. I must admit that it was quite memorable. At this point in my life, I didn’t have much knowledge of the plant besides let’s get high and eat snacks …. or creamsicle flavored hair products apparently.

After the birth of my daughter I knew I wanted to choose nursing, this continued my relationship separation. After about three months I ran into a fork in the road. I was faced with the decision to choose between cannabis or pharmaceuticals. The postpartum depression and sleep deprivation were so intense that I was convinced I was going crazy. So many harsh negative thoughts telling me that I was not meant to be a mom, or a wife and that I didn’t deserve anything I had worked really hard for. The combination of all these things was wreaking havoc on my mental.

"I was faced with the decision to choose between cannabis or pharmaceuticals."

I made the doctor's appointment like everyone around me suggested, and I even went to the lengths of picking up the prescription from the pharmacy. As I sat there looking down at the pills in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel shortness of breath in my chest. There was a deep knowing down in my soul that this wasn’t for me. I tried to do research on consuming while nursing before changing my relationship status. However, to my dismay, not much information could be found.

I decided to start off with just a few puffs from the vape pen to help me get some rest and quite my thoughts. My body knew it only needed a few puffs to feel effects, and I honored that. To no surprise, the plant worked its magic and I felt like myself again.

Now here we are in the present where I am no longer nursing, and still actively choosing to indulge in cannabis medicinally. The decision to staying committed in this relationship was determined for such reasons, including:

1. Maintaining sanity

2. Staying grounded

3. Mindfulness

4. Ease ailments such as headaches + nausea

5. Boost mood

6. Deeper connection with husband + daughter
   

The reasons in this list above are the explanation on how I am able to show up and be the best version of myself that I can be. This not only benefits me, but also those around me. While we are at it, I suppose I should share my favorite method of consumption, right?! Good ol' classic flower, is my first choice always. There is nothing like a beautifully rolled joint to enter a session with.

I kept quiet for so long about using this plant in fear that I would be judged. I no longer wish to remain quite on the topic. I believe that if moms weren't judged or made to feel shame, that many more women would feel comfortable to pick up this plant instead of other harmful numbing agents. Becoming a mother is a beautiful life changing event, but at the same time is extremely overwhelming. Sometimes life can feel heavy with all the new responsibilities of raising another human being. From where I started up until now, I have gained so much more knowledge on the herbal plant and feel so much more confident in my relationship with it. At times, I still feel shame, but I push that down and remind myself that this is plant medicine provided to us from the earth, and that in my opinion is a beautiful thing.

Until the next session my friends,

xoxo, 

Brandy